Saturday 26 October 2019

Cow and Gate-gate: Connétable John Le Bailly's “Good Authority” is revealed.


Constable John Le Bailly


Islanders (of Jersey) cannot have escaped the viral speech given, in the States Chamber, by St. Mary Constable John Le Bailly (Thursday 24th October 2018). His speech came as part of a debate concerning "Employment (Jersey) Law 2003: review of parental leave rights amendments."

We have, for the purpose of this Blog Posting, and the historic record, published the relevant part of the speech to YouTube which can be viewed HERE. The relevant part being where he said he;"had it on good authority that this current breastfeeding thing is a fad." 

Regular readers will be aware of the fine character Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III who has graced this Blog on a number of occasions including "Celebrating Democracy Day JERSEY STYLE, ""A Guest Posting from Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III JURAT ELECTION" and "Lord Reginald's New Year's Message 2017."

Well we are pleased to say he has made a very welcome return!

In this exclusive guest posting by our very good friend, Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III, the Chairman of the JUP (Jersey Ultra-Conservative Party) reveals who was the "good authority" behind John Le Bailly’s (now infamous) “Breastfeeding fad” comments.

Speaking exclusively to Team Voice, he said:

"We were at The Club when me, Rolly and a few others started telling John (Le Bailly) about Breastfeeding. He had never heard of it, and so we told him it was brand new... a bit of a fad if you like, and that it would never catch on. Well, poor old John believed us."

"He wasn’t sure at first and asked how small humans were normally fed, as he could not remember anything from his childhood after the incident with the female roofer, when he and her fell off the roof after a particularly technical job, and he suffered a severe concussion."

"Anyway, we said that in the past it was the norm for most babies to be suckled by wild animals, either by wolves, as in the case with Romulus and Remus, or by apes, as with Tarzan. But, for health and safety reasons, it was now considered best practice to use Cow and Gate baby products."

Lord Reg went on to say that they were chatting about this ahead of the so-called family friendly legislation (or “business hostile” legislation, as the JUP call it) that the Social Security Minister was bringing forward.

"We did not expect him to actually say it in the Assembly, although we were rolling around in fits of merriment at the lodge when we watched it on the direct interweb and The Facebooks broadcast."

Lord Reg, who has recently come back from a safari and business trip in Rhodesia, said that he was particularly pleased with the "amazing free publicity" that has now been given world-wide to Cow and Gate, in which he is a major investor.

12 comments:

  1. There are many customs around this ancient fad across the globe.

    In Ireland, for example, a whole week every year is devoted to reminding feeding mothers to fuel up by making sure to eat up their vegetables.

    The link illustrates an example from the National Maternity Hospital in Dublin - a reminder during World Breastfeeding Week in August 2006.

    Incidentally, the firm "Cow and Gate" takes its name from the traditional Irish dance tune "The Cow at the Gate" which commemorates the ancient practice referred to by Lord Reg, but at a time when the wild animals had been replaced by the domestic variety.

    Some babies were very resistant to this practice, which gave rise to the old Irish saying "Ní geata go h-ólta" or in Sacs Béarla "You can bring the baby to the gate but you can't make it drink".

    Babies who refused to drink were known as Rebels and were abandoned at the gate. They were later collected by the Rebel Foundling Patrol, taken into care and raised on a diet of whiskey (uisce beatha) and potatoes (fataí).

    When they reached the age of majority they were armed and sent forth to expel the occupying English from our dear land.

    This system proved not very efficient and took eight hundred tumultuous years to bear fruit.

    I hope this information helps Constable Le Bailly come to a deeper understanding of the practice to which he so frivolously referred.

    Link

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    1. Hi Póló

      After delivery of the Fascist Tory Brexit which won the vote three years ago there is a danger that Cow & Gate Ireland will collapse due to the "gate" being closed on the cow-supply from the North.
      Cow & Gate will have to resort to alternatives such as potato juice, or indeed the old practice of abandoning Rebels at the gate.

      These rebels will be required of course, because apparently we are promised a return to bloodshed after Brexit.
      .

      Delete
  2. Fantastic to see the long-awaited return of Lord Reg and can we have some more of him please? One of the many classic lines from the video "John was breastfed until the age of twelve". LOVE LORD REG!

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  3. Fans of Lord Reg will be pleased to know he now has a Twitter account and can be followed here @lordregiii1

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  4. “Cow and Gate-gate”. Classic!

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  5. Surely Lord Reg would be an ideal choice for the Establishment/JUCP to propose as Speaker/President of the States if Jersey was to finally get rid of the Bailiff? Then they could pretend things had changed whilst knowing full well that everything would remain the same?

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  6. GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM OUT! GET THEM ALL OUT FOR THE BOYS! The States Members that is obviously.

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    1. Quite.

      Even the top shelf in a newsagent does not have so many tits in one place all at the same time !

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  7. A 49 second clip/trailer of up-coming interview with local constitutional expert, and Advocate, PHILIP SINEL.

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  8. Good grief !

    Further evidence (as if it were needed) that no States Member should be permitted to assume his position unopposed unless they are able to demonstrate an IQ of 69 or higher.

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    1. I was in the habit of always writing "his or her" until Lord Reg got an injunction out against me from the Royal Court.

      I have it on good (and unquestionable) authority that "his or her" is merely a passing fad.

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  9. Advocate Philip Sinel gives his reaction to the infamous speech of William Bailhache PART ONE.

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