Saturday 13 February 2021

Chief Minister Appoints Jeremy Exotic as New Education Minister. (Satire)

 
Jeremy Exotic
 

Chief Minister, John Le Fondue has used new powers that were given to him in the dying days of CEO Charlie Anorak's  tenure to appoint a Minister from outside the island.

He has also rebranded what was CYPES (Children, Young People, Education and Skills Policy) to ELFS, Education, Large Felines and Students.

Up until January, it was necessary for anyone holding a Ministerial position to be an elected member of the Jersey Parliament (States Assembly) first, however, the new rules mean that the Chief Minister may, with the agreement of the Chief Executive, appoint someone from the outside if he sees fit without seeking permission of the Assembly.

The new powers are similar to those used by Presidents in France or the USA, where Ministers do not need to already hold political office.

Jeremy Exotic, who will be known to many readers as The Tiger King, from the Netflix series of the same name, was chosen by Chief Minister Le Fondue after a chance encounter with the TV star at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington in 2017.

Speaking exclusively to Team Voice, Senator Le Fondue said, ‘I am a big fan of the show and have always respected Jez for his libertarian politics and measured delivery. So, I was very pleased to be introduced to him at an NRA fringe-event at President Trump’s annual prayer breakfast, when I was in Washington.’

From there, the friendship between the two men blossomed; ‘We have stayed in contact regularly ever since, and when it was apparent that there was going to be a vacancy for the position, I contacted Jez straight away to see if he would be interested. I cleared it with Charlie Anorak first, of course.’

Senator Chrissy Baskin

However, some have criticised the new appointment. Corporate Services Scrutiny Panel Chair, Senator Chrissy Baskin said the job should really have gone to a local politician; that the Chief Minister had disregarded the Assembly and the Scrutiny process; and that the whole thing stank to high heaven.

Defending the move, Senator Le Fondue said, ‘I wanted someone I could trust, but I also firmly believe in a merit based system. You choose the best man for the job irrespective of where he is from - period. Jez has a great deal of political experience  - he ran for President of the USA for God’s sake and received 962 votes in Colorado alone. That’s more than most constables and many deputies! Granted he's no ABRAHAM GORST but still....... Along side that, he has a lot of transferable skills that will stand him in good stead. Anyone who can handle those big cats will be able to manage even the most militant teachers when we come after their terms and conditions, next year, to pay for COVID. Who better than a celebrity lion (tiger) tamer to do the job? As soon as the teachers realise he has been on TV, they will forget their industrial action and be queuing up for selfies with him. Everyone’s a winner.’

Mr. Exotic will take up his new post in March and will be housed in a special wing of Government House, with sufficient space for 5 of his favourite big cats.

Constable Carol Rennard-Le Sueur

Speaking about the new comer to her parish, Constable Carol Rennard-Le Sueur said that Jez was very welcome in St Saviour. ‘I too am a big fan of the show. I love animals and I love Jez. I have already invited him to one of our Country Line Dance evenings at the Parish Hall as soon as this bloody COVID fiasco has come to an end, my love. He is going to make a wonderful Minister, and we are delighted to have him so near.’

'That doesn't men that I am a fan of all his work. Although he has a beautiful singing voice in the video at the bottom of this post, his ditty about the lovely Carol Baskin (below) isn't quite so appreciated!"

Disclaimer: This is a satirical post poking fun at our elected representatives, in a light-hearted way........................................ While it is still legal!!

If you have not watched "The Tiger King" on Netflix then you are really missing out. (And probably won't understand this post.)



4 comments:

  1. This made me spit out my coucous in fits of laughter! Thanks Team Voice for a bit of humour in theese dark times

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  2. Has anyone noticed how you never see Jeremy Maçon and Joe Exotic in the same room? #JustSayin

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  3. Has anyone seen the poor lady in the Rag doing the old clameur de haro? Really feel for her as yet another Jersey person being shafted by the corrupt Royal Court. And does anyone know why Deputy Tadier is in the photo? he must stick his boatrace in to more cameras than a wild bear finding a lorry load of honey pots rams in his head in all the pots.

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  4. This is excellent satire. At first i was both amused and bemused. Having watched Louis Theroux's first documentary on Joe Exotic and his subsequent episode 9 years on I now understand! Thank you for providing such esoteric interest. Unfortunate that very soon after this blog both men have a potential further connection (other than hairstylist) through the criminal justice system. How precient of you.

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