Chief Minister Appoints Jeremy Exotic as New Education Minister. (Satire)

 

Jeremy Exotic

 

Chief Minister, John Le Fondue has used new powers that were given to him in the dying days of CEO Charlie Anorak's  tenure to appoint a Minister from outside the island.

He has also rebranded what was CYPES (Children, Young People, Education and Skills Policy) to ELFS, Education, Large Felines and Students.

Up until January, it was necessary for anyone holding a Ministerial position to be an elected member of the Jersey Parliament (States Assembly) first, however, the new rules mean that the Chief Minister may, with the agreement of the Chief Executive, appoint someone from the outside if he sees fit without seeking permission of the Assembly.

The new powers are similar to those used by Presidents in France or the USA, where Ministers do not need to already hold political office.

Jeremy Exotic, who will be known to many readers as The Tiger King, from the Netflix series of the same name, was chosen by Chief Minister Le Fondue after a chance encounter with the TV star at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington in 2017.

Speaking exclusively to Team Voice, Senator Le Fondue said, ‘I am a big fan of the show and have always respected Jez for his libertarian politics and measured delivery. So, I was very pleased to be introduced to him at an NRA fringe-event at President Trump’s annual prayer breakfast, when I was in Washington.’

From there, the friendship between the two men blossomed; ‘We have stayed in contact regularly ever since, and when it was apparent that there was going to be a vacancy for the position, I contacted Jez straight away to see if he would be interested. I cleared it with Charlie Anorak first, of course.’

Senator Chrissy Baskin

However, some have criticised the new appointment. Corporate Services Scrutiny Panel Chair, Senator Chrissy Baskin said the job should really have gone to a local politician; that the Chief Minister had disregarded the Assembly and the Scrutiny process; and that the whole thing stank to high heaven.

Defending the move, Senator Le Fondue said, ‘I wanted someone I could trust, but I also firmly believe in a merit based system. You choose the best man for the job irrespective of where he is from - period. Jez has a great deal of political experience  - he ran for President of the USA for God’s sake and received 962 votes in Colorado alone. That’s more than most constables and many deputies! Granted he's no ABRAHAM GORST but still....... Along side that, he has a lot of transferable skills that will stand him in good stead. Anyone who can handle those big cats will be able to manage even the most militant teachers when we come after their terms and conditions, next year, to pay for COVID. Who better than a celebrity lion (tiger) tamer to do the job? As soon as the teachers realise he has been on TV, they will forget their industrial action and be queuing up for selfies with him. Everyone’s a winner.’

Mr. Exotic will take up his new post in March and will be housed in a special wing of Government House, with sufficient space for 5 of his favourite big cats.

Constable Carol Rennard-Le Sueur

Speaking about the new comer to her parish, Constable Carol Rennard-Le Sueur said that Jez was very welcome in St Saviour. ‘I too am a big fan of the show. I love animals and I love Jez. I have already invited him to one of our Country Line Dance evenings at the Parish Hall as soon as this bloody COVID fiasco has come to an end, my love. He is going to make a wonderful Minister, and we are delighted to have him so near.’

'That doesn't men that I am a fan of all his work. Although he has a beautiful singing voice in the video at the bottom of this post, his ditty about the lovely Carol Baskin (below) isn't quite so appreciated!"

Disclaimer: This is a satirical post poking fun at our elected representatives, in a light-hearted way........................................ While it is still legal!!

If you have not watched "The Tiger King" on Netflix then you are really missing out. (And probably won't understand this post.)

Cow and Gate-gate: Connétable John Le Bailly's “Good Authority” is revealed.

Constable John Le Bailly

Islanders (of Jersey) cannot have escaped the viral speech given, in the States Chamber, by St. Mary Constable John Le Bailly (Thursday 24th October 2018). His speech came as part of a debate concerning "Employment (Jersey) Law 2003: review of parental leave rights amendments."

We have, for the purpose of this Blog Posting, and the historic record, published the relevant part of the speech to YouTube which can be viewed HERE. The relevant part being where he said he;"had it on good authority that this current breastfeeding thing is a fad." 

Regular readers will be aware of the fine character Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III who has graced this Blog on a number of occasions including "Celebrating Democracy Day JERSEY STYLE, ""A Guest Posting from Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III JURAT ELECTION" and "Lord Reginald's New Year's Message 2017."

Well we are pleased to say he has made a very welcome return!

In this exclusive guest posting by our very good friend, Lord Reginald Hamilton Rawley Tooting-Jones III, the Chairman of the JUP (Jersey Ultra-Conservative Party) reveals who was the "good authority" behind John Le Bailly’s (now infamous) “Breastfeeding fad” comments.

Speaking exclusively to Team Voice, he said:

"We were at The Club when me, Rolly and a few others started telling John (Le Bailly) about Breastfeeding. He had never heard of it, and so we told him it was brand new... a bit of a fad if you like, and that it would never catch on. Well, poor old John believed us."

"He wasn’t sure at first and asked how small humans were normally fed, as he could not remember anything from his childhood after the incident with the female roofer, when he and her fell off the roof after a particularly technical job, and he suffered a severe concussion."

"Anyway, we said that in the past it was the norm for most babies to be suckled by wild animals, either by wolves, as in the case with Romulus and Remus, or by apes, as with Tarzan. But, for health and safety reasons, it was now considered best practice to use Cow and Gate baby products."

Lord Reg went on to say that they were chatting about this ahead of the so-called family friendly legislation (or “business hostile” legislation, as the JUP call it) that the Social Security Minister was bringing forward.

"We did not expect him to actually say it in the Assembly, although we were rolling around in fits of merriment at the lodge when we watched it on the direct interweb and The Facebooks broadcast."

Lord Reg, who has recently come back from a safari and business trip in Rhodesia, said that he was particularly pleased with the "amazing free publicity" that has now been given world-wide to Cow and Gate, in which he is a major investor.

Abraham Gorst.

Abraham Gorst.

On 20th June 2017 our heroic Chief Minister, Senator Ian Gorst, faced a Vote of No Confidence tabled (but possibly not authored) by St. John Constable Chris Taylor. The proposition listed a number of failings/concerns the proposer (or its author) had against Senator Gorst and sought to convince the rest of the Assembly that it was time to relieve Senator Gorst of his role as Chief Minister. Something Team Voice warned to be careful who/what you wish for. Thankfully (because the alternative was unthinkable) Senator Gorst comfortably survived the vote and was not unseated.

We say; "comfortably" because going into the debate he did not have the support he had at the end of the debate, and we argue that this is for one reason and one reason only.

What we learned from one particular speech, during the debate is the horrendous ordeals, life tragedies, to include assassination attempts, mental breakdowns, the tragic death of his childhood sweetheart, bankruptcy, and a war (what's going on out at St. Ouens?) that Senator Gorst has had to overcome in order to finally get elected (after many unsuccessful attempts) not only as a legislator but Chief Minister (or president) of Jersey. The inspiring part of this triumph against adversity is the humility displayed by Chief Minister Gorst who has NEVER once complained, or even mentioned, the struggles he has had to overcome in order to get to where he is.

Deputy Rod Bryans

Below is a shortened/edited recording of what we believe is the speech that saved Senator Gorst's neck. The speech delivered by Education Minister Rod Bryans, we are sure, will go down in the annuls of Jersey political history as the most inspirational speech ever spoken in the Jersey Parliament. The speech that saved the political career of possibly the most courageous, determined, leader Jersey has ever seen or is likely to see.

The research Deputy Bryan's must have undertaken in order to draw all the parallels between our Chief Minister, and that of former U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, must be commended. It would have been exhaustive work, not only researching all the parallels, but collating them in such an inspirational, and informative speech, that would persuade sworn Gorst enemies to vote in favour of him keeping his position as Jersey's leader. Deputy Rod Bryans' speech should be equally celebrated as the achievements of Senator Gorst/Lincoln. We have a new found respect for the Deputy and are reassured that the education of Jersey's children is in his hands. Children for decades to come will be talking about "that speech." The "Abraham Gorst" speech will be quoted by political commentators, speech writers/analysts, politicians, and historians for decades also.

We know how humble Senator Gorst is and feel sure that he will be thinking to himself "what the hell was Bryans thinking of giving that bl--dy Abraham Gorst speech?" Or "WTF possessed him to go on about assassination attempts, mental breakdowns and Bankruptcy and the rest of that gumph?" Well Chief Minister, he did, it almost certainly saved your political career and you should be as proud of that speech as no doubt Deputy Bryans is. You should feel proud to have a Minister on your team of such calibre and of un-questioning devotion to you.

The full (inspirational) speech can be viewed HERE. It will only be available for 6 months online so we hope our shortened/edited version will go some way in preserving this momentous occasion in the annuls of Jersey political history.

#Satire.