6 YEARS AND 12 MONTHS IN THE LIFE OF ..............

6 years ago today I lost my most precious son Neil at the age of 26 years who for reasons known only to himself felt that life was no longer worth living. But, it should have been. He was dearly loved and had so very much going for him.

Nothing can ever prepare a parent for the death of a child, more so when that child takes his own life. Through the very long, bleak period that followed I often felt that the only way that I would be able to cope would be to go down that same route, but how could I subject those close to me to the same despair that I felt.

However I changed forever- spiritually I was strong, emotionally I was weak, but life took on a new dimension. People were important, material possessions were not. Despite being in a dark place, I was also in a better place.
5 years on, which was this time last year, a politician whom we all know as Senator James Perchard made a comment to a fellow Senator in the States Chamber suggesting he take his own life by ‘slitting his wrists’. Naturally this caused an outrage, and became quite a high profile issue.

It was then that I let my personal feelings be known on Stuart Syvret’s blog. I had never looked at a blog site let alone post a comment on one, but it was such a good outlet for my feelings. As a result of what I had written I was contacted by CTV to see if I would give them an interview regarding Mr Perchard’s behaviour. With great trepidation I agreed, as the whole affair had brought everything back fresh to my mind, especially being so close to the anniversary of Neil’s death.
On this day last year, and exactly 5 years to the day after my son took his life I gave CTV my thoughts on Mr Perchard’s ill-judged and un-statesmanlike comments. Little did I know what strength this gave to me.

I had always felt, in all my years of living in Jersey that there was something inherently wrong with the Government of the Island, and indeed moved away for five and a half years and spent some happy time in the UK. However, deciding things could not be any worse here than they were before I left for several reasons I decided to return only to find that in fact the grass was NOT going to be greener here.
However, having a bit more courage no doubt given to me by the anger and dismay that the ‘suicide’ episode had given me, I decided one day to venture into the Royal Square after a States sitting when I thought maybe Mr Perchard may do the decent thing and resign and also approach him myself to speak with him face to face.
Whilst ‘loitering’ in the Square I started talking to a gentleman who was also standing about and I told him why I was there. We chatted and he told me that he knew of a lady who had lost her son through suicide and how it had devastated her. Little did I know at this time that this gentleman was also called Neil, and furthermore the person he was referring to was me.

I had been aware that my Neil had made a special friendship with someone through a joint love of the sea and fishing. This person had supported him and welcomed him into his family unit so much so that he preferred to spend his last Christmas with this family rather than with me in the U.K. He loved this little family very much, a fact of which I was very aware. I met them briefly at Neil’s funeral, but the day was so traumatic for me I had little chance to speak at length with them.
Quite by chance, and through subsequent postings on Stuart Syvret’s blog we both realised who we were and what the mutual connection was. Was this coincidence, or was it meant to be? I think the latter, in fact I firmly believe my Neil had a little plan.

Since meeting Neil (No 2 as I will call him), I have been able to enlighten myself more on the political issues that we have in Jersey. I have been able to freely voice my opinions on VFC and Senator Syvret’s blog. I have even been to demonstrations and marches, something I would never have dreamt I would have done 13 months ago.

So, I felt that out of something bad, something good had emerged. I met new people, made new friends, whose friendships I value very much, and I found a new strength of purpose. Maybe this was what I needed to keep myself focussed. Maybe the strength of the friendship of the ‘two Neils’ and the coincidence of me meeting with Neil No 2 was meant for a purpose. Maybe it was Senator Perchard’s ill conceived remarks that had brought me to this place in a strange round-about way. Senator Perchard, as a consequence lost his position as Health Minister, therefore as far as I was concerned the matter was finished.

............until Sunday 28th March 2010. Senator Perchard took everybody by surprise on live radio to launch into a personal attack on Neil No 2, who through health reasons and a physical disability is unable to work on a full time basis. This disability ironically was as a result of an accident when working. Senator Perchard’s attitude was that people like this ‘on benefits’ should get off their backsides and look for work, they had too much time on their hands did not use it constructively but spent it constantly criticising the States. It was a nasty, vicious, uncalled for attack on a family man who also happens to be a friend of mine. I found it very hurtful, so I can only imagine how his wife and family must have felt, let alone having his personal circumstances broadcast to anybody who was listening.

So, 12 months on Senator Perchard has still not learnt of tact, diplomacy, humanity and the behaviour that we should expect from our States Members. The arrogance with which he feels he can make and get away with these type of remarks beggars belief, let alone the personal hurt that this causes people, not just those he chooses to attack, but the far reaching impact it has on others in similar circumstances.

When you are sitting in the States Chamber, chewing gum and looking totally bored with the proceedings, when you are off to India watching cricket when the States are sitting, do you really have no conscience taking £40+k from the people who pay your salary, when you deny a man his right to disability benefit.
I know what my son would have said to you had he still been here, because he had a very strong sense of decency and morals.

RESIGN before you do any more harm, because I dread to think what you will throw at somebody in another 12 months time.

Neil No 2 – keep up your good work, you are worth more than your detractors will ever be.

Neil Antony Gracia
Rest in Peace Neil – you are still loved and remembered, not only by me, but by all who knew and loved you.
Your Mum x